Date: 2007-10-09 20:02 Subject: at least it wasn't the linda blair way with split pea. Security: Public Mood: crappy

so i was sick today.
not officially sick. i forced myself to throw up because there's just too much going on.
i mainly did it because i'm worried about my research paper, of which i have yet to do any actual research for yet.

so during my notecarding, i had to have some background noise
and what could be any better than good old milos' magnum opus "amadeus"?

so i plopped in the first disc of the extended director's cut, 
and submerged my self in pure, unadulterated mozart magic.

and didn't really pay attention.
and i got a lot of notecards done.
and before you knew it, those 3 hours of salerie complaining over mediocreness was over.

and i needed something else.
something more cynical.
something more ...funny.

thoughts immediately went to woody allen.
it wasn't an annie hall kind of mood. nor a manhattan either.
and the only other film i actually own was crimes and misdemeanors.
so i went and plopped that one in. 

interesting choice, i guess.
martin landau's quest of self-fulfillment and escaping his alternate reality with angelica huston just didn't do it for me in the funny category.
so it was up to woody to make me feel better.

but how could i have forgotten his equally depressing story line.
he hates his wife, and is forced, out of need of money, to film a documentary on her annoying, big shot t.v. producer brother, alan alda.
but in his pain, he finds relief through one of the producers of the documentary, mia farrow, as well as his side project
looking into the world of an old jewish philosopher.

of course he loves mia farrow.
hell, whenever woody is dating anyone, they usualy play his love interest in his movies.
but in this one, mia just seemed so distant.

and of course there is the big shocker ending at the wedding where she ends up with alan alda's character,
leaving woody alone and depressed. 
she even returns the only love letter he ever wrote to her, or any woman, back to him.
(even if he did plagerise a bit from james joyce. i think woody could fit in along the shores of dublin.)

but this whole mess of relationship was very miniscule for a woody allen movie.
but it still made me depressed.

because, in my own right, i've got this situation on my hands.
but not really.
she just loves some guy she used to date.
well, love is such a strong word. 
but she uses tem anyway.
and she's not interested in me now, but later she will be.
damnit.

i guess it's ok. there's so much going on right now that a relationship would only get in the way.
but damn if i wouldn't mind that escape.

oh well.
at least i went with woody allen over love actually.
then this would have been a REALLY depressing thing to go on about. 

who knows. 
i think something will happen later on.

at least i hope. 

i wish something was on besides hello freakin' dolly. damnit.

Date: 2007-09-25 14:05 Subject: haha Security: Public Mood: blah

GOOD thing i remembered i had a livejournal.

well as an update,

i made the fall play "tartuffe". i got the lead, which incidentally is not Tartuffe but Orgon.
i'm going to homecoming with my friend julia.
mim is ridiculous.
my one friend tried to kill herself.
she's doing fine now, but it was a shock.
i love brecksville.
i hate my mother.
i hope my brother let's me live with him.
i spent over 16 hours playing the sims.

and i really don't know what else to put.
i don't feel like getting indepth.

the end.

Date: 2007-08-02 16:28 Subject: no, but thanks for asking Security: Public Mood: exhausted

it's great to have 4 people ask you if you ever need a ride home.

it makes you feel wanted.

mim is ridiculous. but great.

i guess i'm mildly excited for the quote "retreat" unquote. 


i smell. 

Date: 2007-08-01 22:04 Subject: well then Security: Public Mood: optimistic

it has been at least 2 to 3 months since i decided that i was finished with xanga.

however, after this period of time, i discovered a longing feeling deep down within the shells of my soul.

and after even coming up with such a gothy description was enough to tell me that it was time to go back to the online-journal world.

i decided upon this here livejournal only because i had heard some friends talking about it, and i remembered the name.

and it is, of course, a live JOURNAL, so it seemed that all of my needs were set.


so i find myself here, writing this post on a night not unlike many others from this past week.

this week is becoming more rewarding and interesting everyday.

monday i began the process of being involved with a little show choir shin-dig called Music in Motion,

which, incidentially, is through my new high school, BBHHS.

going into mim camp, and life, was something i never sat down to think about.

it never had occurred to me till, oh i'd say about that time at camp monday when i wasn't swarmed by people to hold a conversation with, or to just make laugh, that i realized that things were not going to be the same.

things are different, much different then at holy name.

professional-wise, mim is going to be one of the greatest experience's of my life.

i've never been surrounded by so many people who are as passionate about performing as me. it's just. great.

i've never experienced the pain i felt during dance conditioning before in my life.

and never had i thought i would enjoy that pain. 

mim is offering me that extra push i never would have gotten at holy name. at least now, i have things to strive for. not even just striving for, but working for. working hard for. it is no longer a situation where i can just walk into it and expect to be on cloud nine and have everything handed to me on a platter. i'm now with people who are as equally, if not more in some cases, talented then me and who i have to compete with hard work with.

things couldn't be better.


socially- things are getting better each day.

day one, as i said, was pretty awkward.

sure i knew some people, but i was a new kid in town. i didn't really expect anyone to open up to me as quickily as one would like. 

ok, sure there were some people there who are just naturally nice and did open up for you. and to them i say, thank you. i did feel welcome.

however, i didn't know what to expect from people either. 

what would they think of me?

i finally realized i was now in a situation where people didn't even know me; my virtues, values, lack of morals.

it's really interesting. it's like a rebirth.

day two was ok. i talked to a few more people. mostly girls. i didn't know really how to jump into conversations and things with the guys. it seemed they all had friends and what not and weren't ready to go and accept a newbie.

but then today, day three, the tenor who stands next to me and i finally started talking more. and i went to chipoltle with him and the other guys. it was great.

i hadn't had the chance to have friendships with guys since grade school due to holy name's total lack of respect for anyone who happens to be involved with drama or music. 

but now, i found people of the same gender who share the same passions that i do. for music. for performing.

it's such a great feeling to finally having the chance to broaden my friendships to more than just girls and intellectuals.

each day is getting better.


i'm somewhat dreading tomorrow, just cause i always just have this strange feeling in the back of my gut that things will always be too awkward.

but then again, i at least know things are looking up.


all i hope is that it doesn't turn into another holy name camp situation; giving me false hopes for the greater majority of people at the school. 

but, there's this stupid non-cynical side of me that knows that things here are going to be a lot different. in all aspects.


here's to new beginnings: both ridiculous (livejournal) and life changing (mim camp).